The First 100 Days: Reflections of a Working Mama

More so than saying “he’s thirteen weeks old” or “he’s three months old”, something about Owen turning 100 days old felt like a HUGE milestone. I do my best to give this little boy everything, but Owen has given me so, so much more—a newfound energy, sense of self, and determination unlike anything I’ve experienced before.

Owen is now way over 100 days old, but when I first had the idea to write this blog post it seemed like a perfect theme. So we’re sticking with it!

I am now back at Sidekick nearly full-time, and it really did take me those first 100 days to even remotely figure out this new phase of life. I’ve been joking around that Owen has been adjusting to change just fine—it’s me, the mama, that had massive work to do! It was unbelievable to see this tiny newborn, who depended on me for every little thing, to adapt and change before my eyes while I floundered amidst the new demands of momhood. 100 days of diapers and 100 nights of (relatively) sleep deprived nights later, I’m finally feeling like the new normal has manifested itself. And while the challenges have been much different than what I anticipated, the joys that have come with parenthood and adjusting to being a working mother has been such an amazing ride—and by far my favorite phase of life yet.

Being a business owner and having my son has been a huge blessing, primarily because owning Sidekick along with Cara and Will has made me feel completely supported as I navigate this new territory. We all strategically planned for what we referred to as “baby time” throughout my pregnancy (which literally corresponded with Will’s wife’s pregnancy down to the week!)—and while that was exciting, it was also terrifying to think that two thirds of our little company of three would likely be out of the office at the same time. But, as life tends to do, everything worked out for the best. We were able to hire our first employee, Grace, to help us keep the creative afloat while we were out. I was able to go on my maternity leave with confidence and complete trust that our team was going to be okay without me while I focused on my new bundle of joy at home.

While I might not have been “working” for a while, work was on my mind pretty often (Sidekick was my first baby, after all)—and Cara and Will kept me as informed as I wanted/needed to be, while giving me all of the space everyone so desperately needs as a new parent. While being a mama has always been my number one dream and calling in life (ever since I was a little girl!), I was really surprised at how much I genuinely wanted to get back to work. I missed our creative atmosphere, the collaboration, the inspiration, and the constant items I got to check off my to-do list that made me feel like I was getting shit done. There was a part of me that thought I might have a baby and never want to work again! I absolutely love being a mom, and my heart melts every time I see Owen staring at me like I am the only thing in his entire world—but I know that in order for me to be my best self for him, I also wanted to continue to contribute to our amazing business. I want to be a proud example to Owen of hard work and dreaming big. I also know that for me to be my healthiest self emotionally, I need to have my own definition that is separate from my new definition as a mama.

I slowly started integrating work back into my life after the first month, and in retrospect that was probably too soon—but I really needed that in-between transition time to figure this all out. I quickly learned that while the perks of working from home sounded so amazing on paper, it was a system that weirdly didn’t work for me the way I had hoped. The “mom guilt” thing is REAL. I was constantly feeling like I wanted to give Owen 110 percent (obviously!), but then felt so guilty when I was taking on tiny projects that seemed to take me forever. And if Owen was so calm playing on his play mat and enjoying life while I squeezed in an afternoon of uninterrupted work, I just felt like the most horrible mom. But I was trying, and I was learning. The hard way.

Fast forward to a couple of months of trial and error, lots of tears, conversations, and research, I sort of have my system figured out. Between a half-day daycare program, a bit of working from home, and help from the friends and family that Ian and I are so lucky to have, I’m back to work nearly full time. I have a team of people I fully trust to be helping me raise my son so that I can also dedicate a part of myself to work. And since I’m not around Owen 24/7 these days, the time that I am with him is just magical for me. I freaking love my little peanut. And when he gives me his gummy little smile, he just makes me want to be better, work harder, and give him the world.

I may be getting help, but I am proud to be working. And I am proud to be a mama.